Turn your wounds into wisdomOprah Winfrey
Pain is part of everyone’s life. Some acknowledge it and some decide to live in denial. Some use it to emerge as stronger beings, some give in to it and lose control. As the boundary between ‘acceptance’ and ‘letting go’ blurs, there rises the need for revenge often leading a normal person to indulge into the most heinous crimes.
Why is that while someone is able to sail through the tough times calmly, few just lose it?
The answer lies in mental toughness.
Letting the storm pass
People popularly believe that ‘mental toughness’ is a trait you are born with. The decision to hide behind the farce of a weak mind is probably the easiest one to make. The other route is tedious and takes a lot of hard work and determination. It’s a tough job to condition your mind to accept failures, rejections and move on; it’s easier to succumb, blaming the world of being unjust and be revengeful.
But an important thought to ponder upon here is, ‘what did you benefit through the entire process?’ Did that spite really made you feel good? Maybe sometimes it’s necessary to vent out but definitely not always. It’s definitely a better idea to let the storm pass and trust me you will not repent the decision.
Things will eventually turn out in your favour and it will be a bliss moment when you will get the option of turning away or accept. You will have true power at that moment and the feeling will be amazing. A momentary spiteful behaviour can never match that actual feeling of winning. This is what separates a mentally tough person from a weak mind.
Not a talent but a habit
Mental toughness can yield unmatched results in terms of self-development. It’s a necessary ingredient of self-care and the good news is that it can be cultivated in your persona. No one is born with the ability to withstand pain calmly as by nature humans are prone to anger, but with practice, you can cultivate the habit of withering storms of life with greater resilience and character.
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.Kahlil Gibran
For instance, the habit of worrying is widely prevalent. We love to be negative about the future which we have no clue about. Isn’t it? Negative thoughts make even the present lose its’s charm. We enter into a vicious cycle of worrying, inviting negativity and then worrying more.
You can train your brain to stay away from worrying. A conscious practice can make you stay detached from the future and enjoy the present to the fullest. In turn, you become more mentally strong to handle adversities since you didn’t expect anything from the future.
Similarly, letting go is an excellent habit that makes you stronger and happier. We humans love to cling to our own mistakes and the harm done to us by others. No one can undo the past. Mentally tough people mourn over a setback and make efforts to move on. Pick up the pieces and start over again. Trust me you will make lesser mistakes and let less and less people hurt you until one fine day you will have a strong aura around you which no one will be able to break in.
Don’t be too hard on yourself
Life is an unending journey. Every day is a new day. People change, circumstances change. Someone who was close to you yesterday can outgrow you today and that will hurt. But no need to be hard on yourself. It’s not you who has made them leave but the circumstances. The pain will be unsurmountable at least for some time as it’s painful to come out our comfort zone. But that’s how life is. We cannot control it. This is where your mental toughness will help you to sail through.
Learn to be flexible, adaptable. Nothing is permanent. You must also have outgrown some things in life. Be more accepting. Don’t take it personally. It’s better to let go than stay with a dying relationship. Don’t ever compromise on your beliefs, passion and principles. Mourn over the loss and get going. Be willing to embrace new facts and adjust your priorities. You can’t control the pain but you can definitely control the suffering.