We often get confused with relationships as to how much to open up, how much to give in, how much to be yourself, where to draw the line…and the dilemma continues. Past experiences play a major role here. If we have trusted someone much in the past and have been deceived, then the brain stops us from getting into that trust mode again. We tend to protect our heart from getting broken again by creating a barrier around and not letting people in. Whether this approach helps us or not is debatable but at least it protects us from some more jolts in life. The question remains: Letting in – but how much?
Past experiences shape us
Past experiences shape the future, there’s no denying of this fact. Each one of us tries to learn from the past and move on but some things stay with you forever. If you have been one of those genuine ones who only know how to be honest with no pretence, there are high chances that your feelings have been crushed multiple times. People don’t think twice before hurting. Goodness is often considered a sign of weakness and people feel entitled to walk over your feelings. They even find it funny. I often get amazed by the cruelty, intimidation and heartlessness around.
It is preached widely that you should forgive, move on from past experiences and embrace the new things. But how much of it is actually possible? How much does your heart allow? Is it even advisable to forget all that you have learnt from the bitter experiences and stay stupid as ever?
Isn’t it the right approach to learn from your experiences and shape yourself accordingly? Yes, there could be some good experiences waiting for you but detachment and having as less expectations as possible will definitely help you enjoy what comes to you more bravely. Open your heart but not too much to let people hurt you at every instance they find suitable. Sadly, most of the relationships are based on give and take since an emotional investment otherwise is considered a waste of time. The idea of loving someone or caring for someone or for that matter behaving properly with the person only if she meets some need is just disgusting.
The pandemic has brought many people to sense, especially those who were riding too high on themselves. Maybe by the end of it, we will turn a bit more empathetic and able to see beyond give and take.
Not letting in
There’s no harm in creating a safety net around you. Many may criticize you for not letting them in but if you are better off this way, then follow this. Being too open and welcoming didn’t help you in the first place causing you unnecessary heartburns and long nights of loneliness, depression and self-loathing, so you have every right to try this new approach. Remember you cannot please everyone in life, and you are your own responsibility. If creating a distance helps you, go for it. Don’t ever be rude to anyone but it’s okay to have your safety net around.
If with time you feel someone is worth entering that space, then let them in. Don’t give into pressure, the fear of being judged. The same people judged you to be weak when you were soft with them. Give yourself time to heal and when the right time strikes, let the right person let in. This feeling should come naturally and cannot be forced upon. Let go and live your life the way you want. Who couldn’t respect you, care for you when you approached them do not deserve the attention. Don’t let their judgements about you cloud your decision to walk away.
Be loyal to yourself, your duties and decide where to put a stop. If someone cares will gradually accept you. Who didn’t care at the first go don’t trust them to do this time. if they do, great but don’t make extra adjustments for them to validate the new you. If you love the new you, you are good to go. Just remember do not ever change your core. Stick to your values always. Don’t harm anybody and be rude ever. Live your life fully!