Communicating for a better life

break up

Breaking away is painful but sometimes necessary

It is indeed quite uncomfortable to break out of a relationship, especially the one in which you have invested so much time and efforts. Do not expect the other person to be with you in this journey. If you two would have that much understanding, then you would not be even considering the option of breaking up. However, stay focused on the goal. You must have made the decision of moving away after a lot of consideration and though every part of your brain will urge you to go back, stay strong on the decision and move ahead.

Remember why did the situation arise

Our mind resists change. Whenever you will want to make a tough decision that will bring significant change in your life, for instance letting go of a loved one, your mind starts playing against you. This is the time you feel immense discomfort, making you think of going back to the old routine, but hold your guns. This is your mind playing trick against you, so much so that it instructs your body to give you signals that you are doing something wrong. You even start feeling some physical pain in this instance. This is the time you need to calm down and think why did this situation arise at the first place?

As humans we desire to get connected to people. This leads to expectations. It is quite natural to get attracted to a person in life to the extent that we believe him or her to fill some void in our life. If you are fortunate, then, the other person will connect with you at the same level, reciprocating with the same warmth, if not then you will fall into the vicious cycle of unmet expectations, frustration, resentment, anger, ego hassles and all kinds of poison that will affect your mental as well as physical health.

If you are in a relationship where your needs are unmet constantly, consider moving away. It’s not about who is right or who is wrong. Everyone has their own core values, way of functioning and expressing. While good relations reach a common ground and survive, if the other person is not interested in even knowing what makes you happy, you will sooner or later burn out. No one is superhuman to thrive in a one-sided relationship. If you are an expressive person, it is highly unlikely that you will be able to survive a relationship with a ‘closed’ person for long. 

We all try our best to keep our relationships but some things are just not meant to be. Two totally different people with differences in culture, background, opinions, when in a relationship rarely survive through the times as they feel exhausted in keeping up with one another. Then ‘faking’ creeps in and ultimately it’s over. If you also feel trapped in such a relationship which is just not working out, build up the courage to move on. It will be painful, but in the end this will do both of you good. Both of you will create space for someone who is more aligned to your interest, needs and way of life.

Don’t worry about the investment made

Someone once told me a very strange thing. If you have invested so much in the relationship, better stay. Now that is surely a pathetic thought. Agreed you went through a lot while trying to make this relationship work but does that mean you should continue suffering by choosing to stay in it? Not at all. Sounds weird but every relationship has an expiry date. It is natural for people to outgrow each other as they evolve. If at any point of time the feeling of staleness creeps into the relationship, it can survive only and only if both the partners are willing to make it work. This can happen only through dialogue and mutual understanding. However, if you feel you are the only one thinking about the relationship and trying to make it work, think seriously. Is this what you want from your life? Why do you want to chase someone who doesn’t seem interested? Always remember a person who wants to keep you will make time for you. We all are busy in our lives but if someone is unable to spare few seconds in a day to have even a small chat with you, he or she definitely needs to be out of your system. You need real people in your life, not ghosts.

Breaking away from a relationship is undoubtedly a painful process but sometimes it is crucial to take the step. Incompatible relations will only bring you stress and a constant feeling of longing. People are different and what may seem to be a great possibility in the beginning may not turn out so with time. That’s okay. Once you have realized, made efforts and realized again that things will not work out between you two mainly because you see the world differently, step up and move out. It is not necessary to break away completely; you can bring in some changes in the status of the relationship gradually. The main thing which you need to work upon is your mental dependence on the relationship. Once you have that in control, you are good to go!

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